Torture in My MInd
Naomi, Age 18
Right now I feel torture in my mind,
Just when I thought I'd left it all behind;
The food, the weight sort of felt normal again,
Then why would I be putting these thoughts to pen?
I'm just cutting down a little I say within,
But I worry this battle, 'it' will win;... more
" I am forever engaged in a silent battle in my head over whether or not to lift the fork to my mouth, and when I talk myself into doing so, I taste only shame. I have an Eating Disorder."
"There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upwards; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesnt matter anymore."
My battle with bulimia began when I was 24. To this day I still don't know what triggered it. I had just landed a job working for a well-known record company and was living a very glamorous lifestyle surrounded by pop stars. I was dining out in restaurants I had previously only dreamt of, on generous expense accounts.
I should have been happy but inside I was miserable and lonely. Finding myself surrounded by beautiful people only served to make me aware of my own shortcomings and I think I developed an inferiority complex. I don't know why but one evening I was at an expensive... more
You don't 'get' anorexia like you get an illness. Anorexia is not an illness, it's a person. I call her Anna. Anna becomes you - your spirit and soul is shifted to one side whilst Anna comes to live inside your body with you. You're still in there too but Anna is stronger so you don't get a chance to show yourself very often until eventually you are completely silenced, and all everybody sees is your body with Anna living in it. And of course they think it's you - when it isn't - you're still there,... more
Why do we develop anorexia? Research suggests there may be an abnormality in the brain, I believe there can also be a genetic link, sufferers are often perfectionists and have low self-esteem. Eating disorders most commonly develop in adolescence, however it is not uncommon in earlier or later stages in life. Anorexia, for me, came when I was 13 years old. I remember looking in the mirror and criticising every inch of my body, it was then she told me to start a diet.She started as a friendly, helpful voice. She told me if I lost a bit of weight I would be more confident, prettier, funnier... more